Blueye aka Bluetooth

My 86 year old neighbor came over to show me his new gadget he had just purchased. He showed it to me and asked me if I had ever heard of a thing called blueye. I snickered a little inside and continued to listen. He said he wasn't as technologically smart as us young kids and told me more about this cool "new" thing called blueye. I then walked inside and about 20 mins later I went back outside to take the trash out, and he was still in his car trying to get this thing to work. Lori you're silly.

Lady Ga Ga, you are one horrifying being.

Po po po poke my eyes out! Ive never been so frightened of a picture more than this piece of work. I wasn't ready for it that's for sure. I'll be sleeping with my TV on all night tonight!

Date night with myself

Sitting down to watch 3 full hours of Lost tonight. I owe my love for lost to Salena. If it wasn't for her insisting Chris and I take the first season and watch it, then I would have never started my obsession with this horribly frustrating yet addicting show. I'm happy that this is the final season. I hope all my questions get answered. I cant wait to see where its all going. I LOVE lost. My commercial is over now, time to get back to my show and ice cream.

Should I or shouldnt I?

I might want to go to private.

Bad Month

I've been dreading this month for a long long time. I'm a master at suppressing my feelings and pretending I'm alright. Food usually is my pain suppressant, which is doing wonders for me I'll tell ya. I accepted that this month would be a month I couldn't hide from. No matter how many candy bars or boxes of pizza I stuffed down my throat, its just not going to be enough this month. This is the month I was supposed to have a baby in my arms. Unfortunately Chris just happens to be gone this month so its even harder for me. The reason is because I'm left with my own thoughts for way to long, and when that happens I tend to punish myself with unhealthy thoughts of utter grief and longing. Last night was the beginning of it all. I've been putting it off and putting it off, and I guess it just built up and I couldn't keep it bottled up any longer. I don't like to lose my cool, I don't like to feel weak. Its just not my style, but this is bigger than me apparently. I should be over this right? I'm so not. So this month all I have to think about is the thought of the baby I should be giving birth to. I was so excited when I found out about being pregnant. I got into my cedar chest and took out all the millions of clothes and blankets I've collected since I was 18. I was so ready for it to finally be my turn. I remember after the miscarriage I came home that night from the hospital and the pile of clothes were still on the couch waiting for a baby to fill them. Sorry clothes false alarm. I'm sorry I got you out. Days later I took them all back to their chest to be put away for some other time. So will this feeling of complete emptiness and loss continue after this month is over? Every month will I get sad thinking I should have a baby a certain age? I hope not. I wish there was a memory pill that lets you forget certain things. I would rather just none of it even happened. Everyone says oh but at least you know you can get pregnant. No, that's not exciting to hear. I don't want an "at least you can". I just want to have a baby! Why is that so hard to accomplish!? I think the first thing I'm going to ask God someday is why on earth do bad people or people that have no business having baby's get to have them, and I don't? I want to hear his logic in this matter. I hope he has a good answer. Why would a loving merciful God give a crack head a baby, that is supposed to be a gift right!? Do I have to do drugs or become a bad person, or a teenager, or sleep around with hundreds of men to get a baby accidentally? This question is so haunting to me. I hate how things work. Life isn't fair in some parts. Can you tell I'm still bitter? I just want to have a baby. Please. please...

Ariel is that you?

I was talking with Carie today and I revealed to her that I wished I was a mermaid. She thinks I've been alone for to long. Which I'm guessing she meant I'm just talking crazy. But putting me being crazy aside I think every little girl pretends to be a mermaid in the swimming pool. I know I did. I wonder if that's just a generation thing because the little mermaid was so huge when I was younger. Why cant there really be mermaids? I looked up mermaids on google and the supposed "real" mermaids are just a nightmare really. If mermaids were real and looked like these pictures then I take it all back. I don't want there to ever be any mermaids! I want to be the pretty shell wearing kind of mermaid. If I ever get to be lucky enough to make my own world someday I'm gonna make sure people can fly and live in water.... Maybe I do need to get out... or help....

I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see 'em dancin'
walkin' around on those
Whaddya call 'em? Oh, feet

Oh Ariel if your world was real, id gladly let you take my spot up here and I'll go live with your Daddy and sea friends

I wanna be where there mermaids are
I wanna see, wanna see 'em swimin'
Floppin' around on those
Whaddya call 'em? Oh, Fins

Dishwasher

The plumber came out today and hooked up my dishwasher. I'm kinda pissed cuz it cost 140 pounds, which is 222$ at today's current exchange rate. Of course the whole hook up was super difficult and took 3 hours. Its never straight forward with these types of things for me. Something always has to be difficult. I spent 15 mins trying to figure out how to work the thing. I thought it might have been broken after sitting there for 2 years, but it started finally. I'm still a little confused by it, its kind of in a stand still mode at the moment, but all the lights are on so I'm hoping its just part of the cycle? I'll just die if it ends up not working after all this money. So here's hoping.

Lonely Moon

It's a quiet lonely night. The moon is shining so bright tonight. I opened the door to take a better look at it and I thought it looked so cool/creepy through my bare tree. Did I mention its a quiet lonely night?

I feel silly

I'd like you to meet my dishwasher. I've owned it for almost 2 years. It has been sitting in my utilities room unused for the whole time. Its kind of comical that its just been sitting there for this long. I've suffered through doing dishes by hand for 2 years. Why you ask? Why would i not just pick up the phone and get someone out here to hook it up?? My answer is, I don't know. What's wrong with me? All I've had to do is pick up the phone and call a plumber to do the job. Seriously what is wrong with me? So as I was finally putting away all my Christmas decorations today I kept passing by this much needed machine. I stopped what I was doing and searched for the phone book and booked someone to come by on Monday to hook it up. I think I might need to look into going to counseling for this issue. I want someone to know whats wrong with me. Did I enjoy punishing myself all this time doing the thing I hate the most? Doing dishes by hand is the number one hated house hold chore of all time for me. So I'll ask again, why didn't I call sooner? WHY!!!???

Got Dirt?

Tisk Tisk Tisk. I can hear my mother now... This is from my kitchen floor. These swiffer wet pads are a miracle! This is just the front of the pad too! It was pure dirt all the way through it! I think I keep things relatively clean around my house, but I guess I need to think again. I'll try harder, I swear....